You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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