that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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