I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
