My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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