FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
