I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
