i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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