I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
