i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
