Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
