there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
im on a boat
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