One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
