I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
