Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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