You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
