just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
