If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
