yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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