My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
