I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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