he told me I talked like a deaf person
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
A+ Viking dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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