The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
