3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
