The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
