how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
