Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
