I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just found puke in my bra..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
