I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
