Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
