Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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