So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
