i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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