his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
