I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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