I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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