Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
