Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
