I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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