It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
