Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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