I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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