I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
