i permit you to call me
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
