Did you just see the Batmobile???
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
