Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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