Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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