His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
