this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
