So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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