Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
