i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Bring me that man meat
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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