I cockslap morals
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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