but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
