Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Houston, we have a blender
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
