I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
