Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
